from nobody’s diary, part 1


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

well, i´m back, here, forever and ever. the last days were... let´s just say, they were incredible. incredible, what i´ve done and how i could act... alcohol sucks and drinking isn´t the right way to persuade myself that i don´t need anyone and anything. you don´t understand me, probably. no surprise. but finally i´ve realized things have significantly changed and now it´s not me who´s deciding about our loneliness.

i can´t do this anymore. i just can´t have all these nights and boys in my mind, i wish you were there, only you. yes, i still keep dreaming, i always do and only because you don´t want to be in these crazy thoughts i won´t stop.

why are people always surprised when i say i´m not dating anyone. yes, i´ve just told there were boys and nights, but it means nothing to me, now. the same old situations, the different people. and i can´t stop doing the same old mistake. because it´s just me. and it will always be.

so you told me you wanted to have fun. and you had it. you had it all. i´m trying to forget and move on. easy to say, harder to do. maybe i deserve to get hurt, to fall without hand which helped me to stand up, again. still a little harder to say what´s going on...???

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